If I were in charge of the world, obtaining a marriage license would be contingent on a couple participating in at least several sessions of premarital therapy. Why? Because who you marry is likely the most important decision you will ever make.

Some couples balk at the idea, worrying it would indicate their relationship is in trouble before they even tie the knot. Embracing the idea, however, is actually evidence that the couple possesses maturity and insight, two important qualities found in extraordinary marriages.

I have two main goals for the couples with whom I work. The first is not to help them assess how well they know each other but rather how well they know themselves. Being able to talk about the strengths and weaknesses you bring to the relationship is essential. Why do these characteristics exists? How did they develop? How do they impact your relationship? What do you want to do about the weaknesses?

The second goal aims to gauge your understanding of your partner's feelings about several significant areas that are part of everyday living. You probably think you have been there and done that. We will take a novel approach to exploring these, however, and you might be surprised by what you learn. I also will facilitate discussion about big-picture concerns, unexpected life events and very importantly, show you ways to insulate your marriage from negative outside forces.

While this all may sound quite serious, the atmosphere during the sessions is encouraging and optimistic. I use an inventory from the Prepare-Enrich marriage prep program and various exercises, some light-hearted, some more thought-provoking. Couples in healthy, solid relationships leave affirmed, energized and with a clear plan to stay that way.